The Con

I got a flu shot this week. I didn't want to, but my doctor guilt-tripped me into it by saying that even if I didn't come down with the flu, I might pass the virus to a person with a weakened immune system. All right, fine, I'll get the shot.
Fuck that. My body burned for two days afterwards.

I guess it was neccessary.

I've been hanging out with Mark a lot recently. We get on so well but I know it makes people uncomfrtable. Especially the new guy I've been seeing. He never outright vocalizes it but his eyes shift whenI mention Marks name. I understand though. He suspects the worse; that I am still in love with Mark and will run back into his arms. As the days and weeks and months pass I grasp at my memories to find one that shows me as happy with him. Four years is a long time and I have no idea if I had ever been happy with him. Yet, it was very hard to move on with my life and get over that failure. Words fail me when I try to describe how difficult the last year was...especially the months before we finally broke up. (The autumn of my discontent?)
In a surprising way, though, it all feels right. The mourning had to happen, and it hurt. I did n't want to bury the pain; I didn't want to run away from it or sneak around it. I wanted to walk straight into it to get through it. And I did.
Jesus, I did.

I wish Chris could see that I survived it and don't want to relive it. We are not at the stage yet where we know eachother let alone understand eachother. We may never reach that point. All I know is that he's a great guy and someone I'd like to get to know better. And the sex is fantastic which has never really been important to me until right now. I'm nearly thirty, I deserve some fantastic sex.